Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
