I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
