wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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