K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
