paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
