i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
