my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
