White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
