Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
