I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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