Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
