well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i out mim tonsoeep
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