Your face is a jimmy john
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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