I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
