btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You need a sexual gate keeper
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
