you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Blood and glitter go together right?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
