He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
