i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
