I'm going to rape someone's good day.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
