Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
