I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
