I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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