3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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