Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
