Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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