Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
