we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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