I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
