Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize