I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
