just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
