I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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