Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
