I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
