Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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