I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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