Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
