If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
