i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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