I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
