Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize