I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Randomize
