Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
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