i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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