She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize