Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
