we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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