Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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