oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
