she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
