I can feel you judging me through the phone.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
