Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
