Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize