There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
