the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Do vagina's smell?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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