i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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