what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
