My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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