is your mom at the bar?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
