so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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