I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
