i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
