I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
