I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The uberlube is also flammable
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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