woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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