; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
