Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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