thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
