Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
