You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This baby is an asshole
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
