PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
