my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
